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[January 14th, 2008 / 9:05pm]
Things have been good.
Hong Kong and Cambodia over break were good.
My friends..are good.
School..is hard but good.

I keep feeling like this second semester senior thing is supposed to be amazing. Alaina, i just read your entry and it brought me back to RMS and i realized that we've been writing in these live journals for about 6 years now.

Isn't that crazy? Six fucking years.
And what have i accomplished?
A shitty boyfriend who no longer loves me and yet loves making my life a living hell. Mediocre grades. A few drunken pictures with friends. Some yearbooks.

I just don't get it. Nothing has happened yet. Nothing exciting or great or wonderful.

I can't wait for my acceptance letter from UF.
2 read cmnt

[September 10th, 2007 / 8:19pm]
its why honey bunches of oats is the first cereal that comes to mind. why most of the time i cant wait for 5th period, but also sometimes dread it. why i know all the rules of popping collars. why i actually listened to a full country song. why i really got into song lyrics. why i still think im the prime minister of new brunswick, if such a place even exists. why i spend the same amount of time sleeping as i do online, except for spring break, in which i spent WAY more time online than sleeping. why i dont really like to drink anymore. why im closer to human now than i ever was. why i always keep my fone by me, just in case 3 o clock in the morning comes around. and why this is my away message, so everyone can see it.

i miss this. i can't live without him.
0 read cmnt

[June 12th, 2007 / 10:37am]
summer is nice. i've smoked a lot of cigarettes and drank (?) a lot of alcohol.
i like the fact that i can do whatever i want, whenever i want.
party on the sandbar today? jared doesn't want me to go and it might not work out?
oh well.

i can't wait until i leave for spain, but in the mean time, i'm happy with life.
and i got two pairs of michael kors shoes! omg love.
for once,
i seem to be pretty happy.
1 read cmnt

[May 29th, 2007 / 6:12pm]
jared and i broke up today, 3 days after our 'official' 1 month.

i'm going to fail my exams. someone needs to take myspace/facebook/flickr/livejournal/last.fm away from me.
0 read cmnt

and it really makes me wonder if i ever gave a fuck about you [May 22nd, 2007 / 7:31pm]
one day i'll wake up and it won't hurt anymore.

i get so sick of jared but i know that if i "break up" with him, i'll be in love by tommorow morning. i hate my hormones and i wish i could control them, but in this moment i despise him. i know he did nothing wrong, i just can't help it. i feel so frustrated and suffocated and everything i do is wrong. i'm overweight and all i can do is eat my feelings and then complain. i love new clothes but when i look in the mirror i see the fat hanging over the pants, my bad skin, and the gross frizzy hair. i wish i could just rip my skin off and start again. not eat for days and go on a fast to get rid if everything inside me. i wish that when i wake up the first thing i did wasn't to feel my love handles.
i have a bad obsession with my weight, except it doesn't matter because i don't have the will power to be anorexic or the skill to be bulimic.

i want to be drunk with a cigarette in my hand.
1 read cmnt

[May 20th, 2007 / 8:15pm]
so this weekend was just like last-ish.
work friday 4 -11
work sunday 9-4/5-11

i don't know why the fuck i got such an annoying job. it's miserable, and 10$ an hour is hardly enough for me to ruin my weekend when i'm already so in need of fun.
honestly i can't give any more effort to school i am so completely burnt out. junior killed me and i'm sick of it.
emilie's party was fun. i was outside when the police came and searched everything. it was scary and i was too drunk to realize how bad a situation it could have been. work this morning was terrible, i was nauseous the entire time and i just had to stand there and watch the bartender pour drinks because the bar is right next to where the hostess desk is, it was torture.
0 read cmnt

[May 14th, 2007 / 6:11pm]
i'm fucking sick of school. three weeks is equivalent to eternity by now.
my paper 3 bio is tommorow. i failed papers 1&2, let me tell you.
and i worked saturday AND sunday which sucked oh my god. and next weekend i'm working friday and sunday kill me NOW please ohmygod.

birth control, however, is quite nice.

i've taken a lot of pictures lately. akjshhsfjashdfkljhasldkjfhlkjsdhf

i really despise all of my friends in secret but they all know it so why do i even bother hiding it? i'm sort of kidding. I HATE GIRLS. actually just the drama. i can't take it anymore.
3 read cmnt

[April 21st, 2007 / 11:47am]
i don't care that jared kisses alexis
i don't care that dan loves olivia
i don't care that my best friends change by the minute

maybe i care a little.
0 read cmnt

[April 6th, 2007 / 8:05pm]
i feel like shit because of what i did the beginning of spring break.
i guess i need to vent and i'm going to explain pretty much the whole fucking story for no reason but maybe i'll feel better.
jared and i are over. i guess? there's still this fucking mutual attraction and we're eachother's best friends. so in that aspect, it isn't over. but he's hooking up with the most disgusting girl ever. she's gorgeous, i hate her. she's a complete slut and he could do so much better.
on friday i got wasted at a "college bros and preppy hos" party. whatever not a big deal. but then jared mentioned that he had hooked up with 3 girls already that night, and i guess i felt i had to compensate and i let myself hook up with this kid that happens to be emilie's ex bf that she still likes/loves? and emilie is one of my best best friends. and i felt like such a piece of shit for doing that, i don't even..i don't know. i'm an idiot. and now she cant even talk to me.
and it's never going to be the same and i hate myself for it because i miss her so much. we understood each other so well i don't understand why i could be so stupid.
and jared is still hooking up with that dumb slut. and there's absolutely nothing i can do about it. when i hear what he does with her it's like part of me dies. and i hate myself for still caring. i convince myself temporarily that i don't, but then little things just upset me.

i'm sick of being in colorado and i'm never fucking coming here again. i swear.

but actually, something really really good happened on saturday. i hooked up with..
an ex. that i still love. hint. omg. it sort of feels surreal and its hard to believe it even happened.

my life is so completely fucked up.

and i need a job. but DUDE IM GOING TO SPAIN.
5 read cmnt

[March 18th, 2007 / 4:12pm]
got caught smoking pot so i'm grounded for a month.

this sucks bc PROM IS NEXT WEEKEND. ugh.
fuck mee
0 read cmnt

[February 17th, 2007 / 8:52am]
ok so valentines day wasn't tooo bad. jared got me a pink fluffy hippo and sprayed it with his cologne. so basically..my bed smells like him since i sleep with it. it's nice though. i lovee that smell.

and um..i hooked up with a dutch model!! an hour after i had..... with jared.

i need to go die. honestly.

school is going to kill me, i mean this more than i ever have. that or..stupid fights?
1 read cmnt

[December 26th, 2006 / 8:00pm]
i'm in colorado. christmas was ok. i got chanel sunglasses and a lot clothes. i want a gucci bag. hmm. i'm updating because i'm bored and because i just changed my icon and i really like it. i've decided i'm going to become pretty much anorexic and mary-kate olsen is my hero. kcool.
i was going to quit cigarettes for my new years resolution but that doesn't really fit in with my new diet plan..so... oh well.
0 read cmnt

[November 1st, 2006 / 9:40pm]
my substance abuse class fucking sucks. every time i go i think my IQ drops 10 points.
11 days until my birthday.

what happened to damnyoukazaa??!
2 read cmnt

[October 26th, 2006 / 11:11pm]
i like halloween
0 read cmnt

[October 14th, 2006 / 1:40am]
i got suspended for 10 days
and i have to take a substance abuse course.

honestly, my life can be summed up as a fucked up merge between karma and murphy's law.
5 read cmnt

[October 10th, 2006 / 11:18pm]
my life pretty much revolves around my current obsessions.
and these are split into positive and negative obsessions. k? cool.

current obsessions of the week (or day):

10) + not being suspended
9) + the shins
8) + skippping swimming
7) - skipping swimming to study
6) + A on math test
5) - B in math (and 3 other classes :[)
4) + last.fm
3) - boys
2) + boys
1) - school.

yeah. i've never spent to so much time studying. and looking at collegeboard.com
and i need to sign up for an SAT prep class. i'm so late. i'll prolly get like the worst SAT score ever.
2 read cmnt

[October 7th, 2006 / 1:48pm]
i got caught smoking a cigarette in the parking lot after school. i don't know what my punishment, but tobacco use in school is a 7 day suspension.

i am going to kill myself.
not kidding.
2 read cmnt

[September 23rd, 2006 / 4:40pm]

i got a car. mazda 6. 2006. v6.
it's amazing.

umm..life is pretty good.minus my grades. i am never going to get into college.
uf here i come. ugh.
2 read cmnt

[August 28th, 2006 / 5:19pm]
hurricane ernesto :)
0 read cmnt

[August 18th, 2006 / 4:44pm]
fuck this
3 read cmnt

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