i guess i need to vent and i'm going to explain pretty much the whole fucking story for no reason but maybe i'll feel better.
jared and i are over. i guess? there's still this fucking mutual attraction and we're eachother's best friends. so in that aspect, it isn't over. but he's hooking up with the most disgusting girl ever. she's gorgeous, i hate her. she's a complete slut and he could do so much better.
on friday i got wasted at a "college bros and preppy hos" party. whatever not a big deal. but then jared mentioned that he had hooked up with 3 girls already that night, and i guess i felt i had to compensate and i let myself hook up with this kid that happens to be emilie's ex bf that she still likes/loves? and emilie is one of my best best friends. and i felt like such a piece of shit for doing that, i don't even..i don't know. i'm an idiot. and now she cant even talk to me.
and it's never going to be the same and i hate myself for it because i miss her so much. we understood each other so well i don't understand why i could be so stupid.
and jared is still hooking up with that dumb slut. and there's absolutely nothing i can do about it. when i hear what he does with her it's like part of me dies. and i hate myself for still caring. i convince myself temporarily that i don't, but then little things just upset me.
i'm sick of being in colorado and i'm never fucking coming here again. i swear.
but actually, something really really good happened on saturday. i hooked up with..
an ex. that i still love. hint. omg. it sort of feels surreal and its hard to believe it even happened.
my life is so completely fucked up.
BUT IM GOING TO SPAIN THIS SUMMER FOR A MONTH. FUCK YES.
and i need a job. but DUDE IM GOING TO SPAIN.