jaimie (thatslikewoa) wrote,

i feel like shit because of what i did the beginning of spring break.
i guess i need to vent and i'm going to explain pretty much the whole fucking story for no reason but maybe i'll feel better.
jared and i are over. i guess? there's still this fucking mutual attraction and we're eachother's best friends. so in that aspect, it isn't over. but he's hooking up with the most disgusting girl ever. she's gorgeous, i hate her. she's a complete slut and he could do so much better.
on friday i got wasted at a "college bros and preppy hos" party. whatever not a big deal. but then jared mentioned that he had hooked up with 3 girls already that night, and i guess i felt i had to compensate and i let myself hook up with this kid that happens to be emilie's ex bf that she still likes/loves? and emilie is one of my best best friends. and i felt like such a piece of shit for doing that, i don't even..i don't know. i'm an idiot. and now she cant even talk to me.
and it's never going to be the same and i hate myself for it because i miss her so much. we understood each other so well i don't understand why i could be so stupid.
and jared is still hooking up with that dumb slut. and there's absolutely nothing i can do about it. when i hear what he does with her it's like part of me dies. and i hate myself for still caring. i convince myself temporarily that i don't, but then little things just upset me.

i'm sick of being in colorado and i'm never fucking coming here again. i swear.

but actually, something really really good happened on saturday. i hooked up with..
an ex. that i still love. hint. omg. it sort of feels surreal and its hard to believe it even happened.

my life is so completely fucked up.

and i need a job. but DUDE IM GOING TO SPAIN.
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