i get so sick of jared but i know that if i "break up" with him, i'll be in love by tommorow morning. i hate my hormones and i wish i could control them, but in this moment i despise him. i know he did nothing wrong, i just can't help it. i feel so frustrated and suffocated and everything i do is wrong. i'm overweight and all i can do is eat my feelings and then complain. i love new clothes but when i look in the mirror i see the fat hanging over the pants, my bad skin, and the gross frizzy hair. i wish i could just rip my skin off and start again. not eat for days and go on a fast to get rid if everything inside me. i wish that when i wake up the first thing i did wasn't to feel my love handles.
i have a bad obsession with my weight, except it doesn't matter because i don't have the will power to be anorexic or the skill to be bulimic.
i want to be drunk with a cigarette in my hand.