she leaves like she's never coming back again

thatslikewoa @ 2008-01-14T21:05:00

2008-01-15T02:14:24Z

Things have been good.
Hong Kong and Cambodia over break were good.
My friends..are good.
School..is hard but good.

I keep feeling like this second semester senior thing is supposed to be amazing. Alaina, i just read your entry and it brought me back to RMS and i realized that we've been writing in these live journals for about 6 years now.

Isn't that crazy? Six fucking years.
And what have i accomplished?
A shitty boyfriend who no longer loves me and yet loves making my life a living hell. Mediocre grades. A few drunken pictures with friends. Some yearbooks.

I just don't get it. Nothing has happened yet. Nothing exciting or great or wonderful.

I can't wait for my acceptance letter from UF.

thatslikewoa @ 2007-09-10T20:19:00

2007-09-11T00:20:28Z

its why honey bunches of oats is the first cereal that comes to mind. why most of the time i cant wait for 5th period, but also sometimes dread it. why i know all the rules of popping collars. why i actually listened to a full country song. why i really got into song lyrics. why i still think im the prime minister of new brunswick, if such a place even exists. why i spend the same amount of time sleeping as i do online, except for spring break, in which i spent WAY more time online than sleeping. why i dont really like to drink anymore. why im closer to human now than i ever was. why i always keep my fone by me, just in case 3 o clock in the morning comes around. and why this is my away message, so everyone can see it.

i miss this. i can't live without him.

thatslikewoa @ 2007-06-12T10:37:00

2007-06-12T14:38:34Z

summer is nice. i've smoked a lot of cigarettes and drank (?) a lot of alcohol.
i like the fact that i can do whatever i want, whenever i want.
party on the sandbar today? jared doesn't want me to go and it might not work out?
oh well.

i can't wait until i leave for spain, but in the mean time, i'm happy with life.
and i got two pairs of michael kors shoes! omg love.
<33333
for once,
i seem to be pretty happy.

thatslikewoa @ 2007-05-29T18:12:00

2007-05-29T22:13:26Z

jared and i broke up today, 3 days after our 'official' 1 month.

i'm going to fail my exams. someone needs to take myspace/facebook/flickr/livejournal/last.fm away from me.

and it really makes me wonder if i ever gave a fuck about you

2007-05-22T23:31:30Z

one day i'll wake up and it won't hurt anymore.

i get so sick of jared but i know that if i "break up" with him, i'll be in love by tommorow morning. i hate my hormones and i wish i could control them, but in this moment i despise him. i know he did nothing wrong, i just can't help it. i feel so frustrated and suffocated and everything i do is wrong. i'm overweight and all i can do is eat my feelings and then complain. i love new clothes but when i look in the mirror i see the fat hanging over the pants, my bad skin, and the gross frizzy hair. i wish i could just rip my skin off and start again. not eat for days and go on a fast to get rid if everything inside me. i wish that when i wake up the first thing i did wasn't to feel my love handles.
i have a bad obsession with my weight, except it doesn't matter because i don't have the will power to be anorexic or the skill to be bulimic.

i want to be drunk with a cigarette in my hand.

thatslikewoa @ 2007-05-20T20:15:00

2007-05-21T00:20:20Z

so this weekend was just like last-ish.
work friday 4 -11
work sunday 9-4/5-11

i don't know why the fuck i got such an annoying job. it's miserable, and 10$ an hour is hardly enough for me to ruin my weekend when i'm already so in need of fun.
honestly i can't give any more effort to school i am so completely burnt out. junior killed me and i'm sick of it.
emilie's party was fun. i was outside when the police came and searched everything. it was scary and i was too drunk to realize how bad a situation it could have been. work this morning was terrible, i was nauseous the entire time and i just had to stand there and watch the bartender pour drinks because the bar is right next to where the hostess desk is, it was torture.

thatslikewoa @ 2007-05-14T18:11:00

2007-05-14T22:13:40Z

i'm fucking sick of school. three weeks is equivalent to eternity by now.
my paper 3 bio is tommorow. i failed papers 1&2, let me tell you.
and i worked saturday AND sunday which sucked oh my god. and next weekend i'm working friday and sunday kill me NOW please ohmygod.

yeah.
birth control, however, is quite nice.

i've taken a lot of pictures lately. akjshhsfjashdfkljhasldkjfhlkjsdhf

i really despise all of my friends in secret but they all know it so why do i even bother hiding it? i'm sort of kidding. I HATE GIRLS. actually just the drama. i can't take it anymore.

thatslikewoa @ 2007-04-21T11:47:00

2007-04-21T15:48:35Z

i don't care that jared kisses alexis
i don't care that dan loves olivia
i don't care that my best friends change by the minute

maybe i care a little.

thatslikewoa @ 2007-04-06T20:05:00

2007-04-07T00:12:05Z

i feel like shit because of what i did the beginning of spring break.
i guess i need to vent and i'm going to explain pretty much the whole fucking story for no reason but maybe i'll feel better.
jared and i are over. i guess? there's still this fucking mutual attraction and we're eachother's best friends. so in that aspect, it isn't over. but he's hooking up with the most disgusting girl ever. she's gorgeous, i hate her. she's a complete slut and he could do so much better.
anyway.
on friday i got wasted at a "college bros and preppy hos" party. whatever not a big deal. but then jared mentioned that he had hooked up with 3 girls already that night, and i guess i felt i had to compensate and i let myself hook up with this kid that happens to be emilie's ex bf that she still likes/loves? and emilie is one of my best best friends. and i felt like such a piece of shit for doing that, i don't even..i don't know. i'm an idiot. and now she cant even talk to me.
and it's never going to be the same and i hate myself for it because i miss her so much. we understood each other so well i don't understand why i could be so stupid.
and jared is still hooking up with that dumb slut. and there's absolutely nothing i can do about it. when i hear what he does with her it's like part of me dies. and i hate myself for still caring. i convince myself temporarily that i don't, but then little things just upset me.

i'm sick of being in colorado and i'm never fucking coming here again. i swear.

but actually, something really really good happened on saturday. i hooked up with..
an ex. that i still love. hint. omg. it sort of feels surreal and its hard to believe it even happened.

my life is so completely fucked up.

BUT IM GOING TO SPAIN THIS SUMMER FOR A MONTH. FUCK YES.
and i need a job. but DUDE IM GOING TO SPAIN.

thatslikewoa @ 2007-03-18T16:12:00

2007-03-18T20:12:58Z

got caught smoking pot so i'm grounded for a month.
fuckk

this sucks bc PROM IS NEXT WEEKEND. ugh.
fuck mee

thatslikewoa @ 2007-02-17T08:52:00

2007-02-17T13:53:35Z

ok so valentines day wasn't tooo bad. jared got me a pink fluffy hippo and sprayed it with his cologne. so basically..my bed smells like him since i sleep with it. it's nice though. i lovee that smell.

and um..i hooked up with a dutch model!! an hour after i had..... with jared.

i need to go die. honestly.

school is going to kill me, i mean this more than i ever have. that or..stupid fights?

thatslikewoa @ 2006-12-26T20:00:00

2006-12-27T00:00:41Z

i'm in colorado. christmas was ok. i got chanel sunglasses and a lot clothes. i want a gucci bag. hmm. i'm updating because i'm bored and because i just changed my icon and i really like it. i've decided i'm going to become pretty much anorexic and mary-kate olsen is my hero. kcool.
i was going to quit cigarettes for my new years resolution but that doesn't really fit in with my new diet plan..so... oh well.

thatslikewoa @ 2006-11-01T21:40:00

2006-11-02T01:40:26Z

my substance abuse class fucking sucks. every time i go i think my IQ drops 10 points.
11 days until my birthday.

what happened to damnyoukazaa??!

thatslikewoa @ 2006-10-26T23:11:00

2006-10-27T03:11:29Z

i like halloween

thatslikewoa @ 2006-10-14T01:40:00

2006-10-14T01:42:49Z

i got suspended for 10 days
and i have to take a substance abuse course.

honestly, my life can be summed up as a fucked up merge between karma and murphy's law.

thatslikewoa @ 2006-10-10T23:18:00

2006-10-11T00:07:24Z

my life pretty much revolves around my current obsessions.
and these are split into positive and negative obsessions. k? cool.

soo:
current obsessions of the week (or day):

~~10) + not being suspended~~
9) + the shins
8) + skippping swimming
7) - skipping swimming to study
6) + A on math test
5) - B in math (and 3 other classes :[)
4) + last.fm
3) - boys
2) + boys
1) - school.

adkoijferifj
yeah. i've never spent to so much time studying. and looking at collegeboard.com
and i need to sign up for an SAT prep class. i'm so late. i'll prolly get like the worst SAT score ever.

thatslikewoa @ 2006-10-07T13:48:00

2006-10-07T13:49:29Z

i got caught smoking a cigarette in the parking lot after school. i don't know what my punishment, but tobacco use in school is a 7 day suspension.

i am going to kill myself.
not kidding.

thatslikewoa @ 2006-09-23T16:40:00

2006-09-23T20:42:52Z

last.fm

i got a car. mazda 6. 2006. v6.
it's amazing.

umm..life is pretty good.minus my grades. i am never going to get into college.
uf here i come. ugh.

thatslikewoa @ 2006-08-28T17:19:00

2006-08-28T21:19:48Z

hurricane ernesto :)

thatslikewoa @ 2006-08-18T16:44:00

2006-08-18T20:48:56Z

fuck this

thatslikewoa @ 2006-08-16T19:25:00

2006-08-16T23:34:55Z

i want summer back. please.

oh, i did get my license :)
so excited, you dont even know.
well, you probably do.

okkaaayyyyy sooo.
1. ap lit - this class looks like it'll be hard as shit but the teacher is...extremely funny.
2. math methods 1 IB- well duh, kill me now.
3. ap psych - actually im not sure its ap. it might be ib. oh well, the teacher is pretty cool.
4. biology II ib - gah?
5. spanish III pre-IB- ok honestly i got an F on my last spanish exam which goes to show i SUCK AT SPANISH PFHOSIUHOIUSFHIOUSDHOIFUH. gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. and i have it everyday!! not faaaaairr
6. newspaper - obv. favorite class
7. american history ib?- lol

I WANT A PARKING SPOT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGH bleh

i don't want to go back :'(

oh and then there was that extra added bonus of dan being an ice queen AGAIN. officially giving up on my love. as of ten minutes ago. k.

thatslikewoa @ 2006-08-15T09:38:00

2006-08-15T13:38:47Z

IT'S THE LAST DAY OF SUMMER APSODIHFQPERI9UGHOQI U4EGOIUTG019835T79OIERUPEFPWOIJER augoiuedhgouieghuioge yARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

my second license test is today. i failed the first one.

thatslikewoa @ 2006-08-07T23:00:00

2006-08-08T03:02:42Z

i need a day full of smoothies and chocolate and jane austin movies and crying to completely get over dan before i compulsively wring his neck.
yeah. hooked up today. fucking KNEW it was gonna happen.
i hate boys. why is that all that i ever say?

i cannot believe my license test is tommorow. i WILL fail.

thailand was sweet

thatslikewoa @ 2006-07-29T05:27:00

2006-07-29T09:27:26Z

dan is hot . lalallalallalalalallaalala

its 5 AM in fl.
im awake
no ones onliiiiiiiiine

thatslikewoa @ 2006-07-28T07:46:00

2006-07-28T11:48:27Z

i think if i had a bajillion dollars my life would be perfect.

i really do believe that money is the key to happyness.

i do not want to go back to school. at all. i have no desire to see any of the people there. all i have now are my jew boys.